Where have you gone?

You have no idea how much I need you these days. You are the version of myself I miss most...

You, follow your heart.

You, follow your dreams.

You, are brave.

You, are the spark that I am missing.

----

This is my first self portrait. Self portrait, where everything inside of me felt dark.

That morning I woke up with an overwhelming feeling of disgust. An overwhelming feeling of self hatred. A realization of who I am, and what I have become.

I slid out of bed and melted to the floor. Nothing in my tiny studio apartment could hold me and the weight of my world in that moment. I had to be grounded. I laid there paralyzed, searching for hope, searching for the girl that brought me here. I wanted to scream, I wanted to hurt myself-- but all I could do was just lay there and cry...

You know, there is something so magical about tears. They're like healing waters that come straight from the soul.

After an hour or so, I picked myself up. Went for my camera and set up my tripod. Sat back down on the floor, and rolled myself a spliff.

Documented the pain. Documented the discomfort. Documented the disappointment.

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*What I wish I could tell you then:

You are a bad ass bitch.

You, are more than all the things that weigh you down.

Mistakes and failure are necessary, don't get so hung up on it.

...

ps

You should have started this blog, then.